Category: Funnies
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You Can’t Worm Your Way Out of This One
Last night I called Selah inside from the kids’ dirt play to get her ready for her night of pretending to be Eleanor Roosevelt at a wax museum. Which is itself a little odd I guess. Anyway, I started brushing her hair so I could put it up under her hat. It’s always very tangly so…
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He Won’t Eat Goldfish Crackers?
For my first two children, I had a rule that starting at age 3, they needed to try a bite of each item on their plates. However, it is clear that Noah feels that food is the one thing he can control and that most of it is gross. Upon the advice of his pediatrician, I have given…
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Your Kids Need You at the Dinner Table
I am partnering with Circle with Disney to write for their Family is Everything blog. Here’s a little preview of my first post on their blog: Your Kids Need You at the Dinner Table. The bad news is that I’m going to tell you that you can’t watch cat videos at dinnertime (usually). The good…
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Leon Row the Boat Ashore
It took me a while to write this down, but it’s feeling seasonal again, now that the forecast is for seven days of 986-degree heat. Last summer, Leon and I were facing the prospect of a rare weekend off. While the kids visited their grandparents, Leon and I got two full days to do whatever we wanted.…
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Darling Children
Darling Children, In an attempt to make things more simple and clear, I have already laid out our daily routine for you. But I have also noticed that I must tell you certain things more than one time. By “certain,” I mean “all.” And by “more than one time,” I mean that I have said these things…
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The Circle of Life
You’re welcome for putting that song in your head. Ahem. My partner, Leon, teaches first and second grade at a Montessori school. First graders these days learn about butterfly life cycles, among other things. Leon’s class got to hatch a batch of caterpillars, watching them make cocoons and then emerge as beautiful butterflies. This is a…
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As the Rainy Saturday Goes Downhill
Stage 1: Mopey children. Stage 2: Interested, learning children, doing science experiments out of a book. They have been adequately warned that they will be responsible for cleaning up the mess, according to child development, Montessori, and other intellectual principles. Accompanied by parental smugness and patting self on back. Stage 3: Children begin getting carried away…
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Skating Rink Observations
I went to the roller rink with my daughter. It still looked like the rink of my childhood, smelled like the rink of my childhood, contained the same teenagers flushed with hormones, and featured the same terrified skaters clinging to walls (hopefully not literally the same skaters) and the skates from when I was little (quite…
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Sheep, Hoarders, and Helicopters: The Piñata Test
You can learn all you need to know about humans when you attend a child’s party featuring a piñata. The good news is that we can stop funding sociological and anthropological research and just start sending scientists to children’s birthday parties, which are known to be–wait, those are as expensive as a university grant. Possibly more expensive. Never…