Short-Winded Blog

Tag: chaos

  • The Things She Carried

    The Things She Carried

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    by

    Laura
    in , ,

    I often ask my daughter to clean her room. Her response is often to cry, get overwhelmed, or get distracted. I will not get into how crazy this all drives me in this particular blog. While she is away for a few days, I think I will do us both a favor and just whirl…

  • Calculating My Weighted Parenting GPA

    Calculating My Weighted Parenting GPA

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    by

    Laura
    in ,

    There are times, as a parent, when I feel like I’m doing a good job, and I happily give myself an A. Child spills milk all over the table when I am about to finally sit down. “It’s OK. Here is a rag.” Mind says: You stayed calm. No big deal. Good. See, you are…

  • Laughing When Life Is Stinky

    Laughing When Life Is Stinky

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    by

    Laura
    in ,

    There are many unknowns in this life. It is reassuring that you can always make a seven year old crack up when you use “toilet” or “stinky” in Mad Libs. I learned several years ago that once you become a parent, you don’t get to grieve, not really. When my grandmother passed away, I wanted…

  • Perfect [Bleep] Storm

    Perfect [Bleep] Storm

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    by

    Laura
    in , ,

    I grew up camping. Many of my favorite early memories involve sleeping in tents by some lake or river somewhere, with my parents, two siblings, and dog (see Go Home Lassie, You Are Drunk). In my mind, these trips were relaxing, easy peasy, simple. We’d eat sandwiches in the dust and swim in the [insert…

  • She Needs Groceries: Written Version

    She Needs Groceries: Written Version

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    by

    Laura
    in

    I remember those days clearly. There I’d be, shopping in Target with all of my disposable income, buying something frivolous, like a CD or a new toothbrush when my current one was two and a half months old. And then, bam! My peace would be shattered by a shopping cart full of wailing toddlers. Or…

  • The Fairy Princess Surprise

    The Fairy Princess Surprise

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    by

    Laura
    in

    Dear Noah, I am going to tell you about a certain incident that happened in your babyhood. I want to tell you now, so that we can get proper mileage out of it in years to come. I don’t want your high school graduation or your wedding to be the first time you hear about…

  • Working at Break-Tech Speed

    Working at Break-Tech Speed

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    by

    Laura
    in , ,

    We all know that technology can make life easier, but it can also make life horribly frustrating. Trying to navigate new updates, saving data, working around malfunctions for programs you depend on…it can all add up to a real digital headache. But for people who spend time around children, technology can also be a physical or financial…

  • She Needs Groceries: Live Reading

    She Needs Groceries: Live Reading

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    by

    Laura
    in , ,

    At long last, they have posted the videos from the 2013 Listen to Your Mother show. Here’s my reading. Enjoy! If you’d rather read the essay yourself or don’t have time for a video, here’s the written version. Thankfully, though the video did not come out in very good quality, Sarah Maren Photographers came through…

  • I’m Not Cut Out for This

    I’m Not Cut Out for This

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    by

    Laura
    in ,

    I’m not cut out for this. I turn around in my seat, having just finished hollering something ineffective and useless like, “I mean it!” And the children don’t care, and they aren’t listening, and I am filled with rage. I’m not cut out for this parenting thing. We are on our way back from Lake…

  • So, You Would Like to Have Three Children…

    So, You Would Like to Have Three Children…

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    by

    Laura
    in , ,

    I regularly speak with people who have zero children, or one child, or two children. And they tell me they might consider or would like to have three children. My first impulse, I will own, is to bark, “No, you don’t want three kids.” But that is not helpful, I know this. So here’s what…