Calculating My Weighted Parenting GPA

There are times, as a parent, when I feel like I’m doing a good job, and I happily give myself an A.

Great Work, Laura
Great Work, Laura

Child spills milk all over the table when I am about to finally sit down. “It’s OK. Here is a rag.”

Mind says: You stayed calm. No big deal. Good. See, you are even teaching him to be self-sufficient. I smile beneficently at the child, who is mostly wiping the milk into a larger mess, and patiently think that I will wipe it again when he’s not looking.


At a friend’s house, child throws a Hot Wheel, yelling, “No! Buses can’t be in races!” Cringing with embarrassment, I call him over and quietly say, “You cannot throw toys and yell at your friend. It is OK to say you feel angry, or to decide not to play together.”

Mind says: Look, he is listening and has calmed down. It must be because you handled that right. I watch with satisfaction as the child changes tack and picks up a different toy to join his friend.


But then…then there are just times when it doesn’t go right, and it’s like I am watching myself act totally irrational from some external space. Or when I find myself mystified by my children’s inability to follow directions or take responsibility for finding their possessions. And there are these specific times when it’s practically guaranteed that things are not going to go down well:

  • Bedtime
  • Dinnertime
  • Getting ready for school
  • Getting ready for the gym
  • Getting ready for a trip
  • Getting ready for church
  • Getting ready to go to out-of-home work events
  • Getting ready to go to a social event
  • Getting ready to go anywhere else
  • Driving in the car to or from anywhere
  • Arriving home from anywhere
  • Any time I am trying to accomplish a task that does not involve my children but which they are present for


Apparently I am the best parent ever when I am not trying to go anywhere or do anything. However, as a chronic multitasker who also must live in reality, that’s just not most of the time.


I must try to appreciate those As I gave myself, to make up for all of the times I have been trying to mop on my hands and knees, followed around by a toddler with dirty feet who won’t stop falling down on the wet floor and crying, and so I ended up barking a bad word as he hit the tile for the fourth time. Is this one of those weighted GPA scenarios, where the patient milk spill incident actually weighed more than the time I yelled, “Why won’t you listen??”

Live for the As. Live for the As. Hope that the kids remember those moments too. They will remember those moments too, right?


3 responses to “Calculating My Weighted Parenting GPA”

  1. tom nickel Avatar
    tom nickel

    I shared this post on Facebook and said this:

    I started reading Laura because someone else I sort-of-know shared one of her posts. There’s probably zillions of great writer/thinkers out there and we sure can’t follow them all, but I’m glad I’m following this blog.

    She might not like my answer to her question about Weighted Parenting GPA, although it is not simple — in my experience, they remember forever the times you really screwed up and lost it and may even remind you of it a couple dozen times over the years, but I suspect that the times you did it the way you want to and are proud of is what shapes them more, whether they remember it or not.

    1. Thanks, I actually really do like your response. I remember my own parents’ meltdowns, so suspect my kids will remember mine. But it makes me feel hopeful that I may also be shaping them well amidst the mayhem. Plus: thanks for sharing both my post and your thoughts.

  2. […] For more snark, check out Scientific Chart of the Stages of Literacy and Calculating My Weighted Parenting GPA.  […]

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