Category: Uncategorized
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![Perfect [Bleep] Storm](http://shortwinded.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/IMG_2338-200x200.jpg)
Perfect [Bleep] Storm
I grew up camping. Many of my favorite early memories involve sleeping in tents by some lake or river somewhere, with my parents, two siblings, and dog (see Go Home Lassie, You Are Drunk). In my mind, these trips were relaxing, easy peasy, simple. We’d eat sandwiches in the dust and swim in the [insert…
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She Needs Groceries: Written Version
I remember those days clearly. There I’d be, shopping in Target with all of my disposable income, buying something frivolous, like a CD or a new toothbrush when my current one was two and a half months old. And then, bam! My peace would be shattered by a shopping cart full of wailing toddlers. Or…
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The Fairy Princess Surprise
Dear Noah, I am going to tell you about a certain incident that happened in your babyhood. I want to tell you now, so that we can get proper mileage out of it in years to come. I don’t want your high school graduation or your wedding to be the first time you hear about…
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Working at Break-Tech Speed
We all know that technology can make life easier, but it can also make life horribly frustrating. Trying to navigate new updates, saving data, working around malfunctions for programs you depend on…it can all add up to a real digital headache. But for people who spend time around children, technology can also be a physical or financial…
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She Needs Groceries: Live Reading
At long last, they have posted the videos from the 2013 Listen to Your Mother show. Here’s my reading. Enjoy! If you’d rather read the essay yourself or don’t have time for a video, here’s the written version. Thankfully, though the video did not come out in very good quality, Sarah Maren Photographers came through…
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When the Rubber Hits the Road
Yesterday, I was thinking bananas. No, I was not going bananas. Well, in all truth, I probably was. But I was thinking about actual, physical bananas too. Let me explain. I am a person of many ideals. I care about keeping our world beautiful, about doing the right thing and being honest, about raising children…
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So, You Would Like to Have Three Children…
I regularly speak with people who have zero children, or one child, or two children. And they tell me they might consider or would like to have three children. My first impulse, I will own, is to bark, “No, you don’t want three kids.” But that is not helpful, I know this. So here’s what…
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Death Geese
I will admit, I have made some slanderous statements about geese in this blog (see All in the Family). However, I maintain that I was justified in calling them a$$holes. And if you do not already feel this way, I would like to tell you a story. My sister has always been afraid of geese.…
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Go Home, Lassie, You Are Drunk
Valiant, rescuing dog stories are kind of a cliché. Even if you never actually watched Lassie getting Timmy rescued from the well, you have probably encountered all the stories about brave and noble canines out there. Meg, my childhood dog, was very good at being a Labrador retriever. She was well trained. She could have…
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That Was a Sick Road Trip
Some of you have said that you are hoping for a blog post out of my trip to Mendocino with the three kids. Well, I’m not saying that won’t happen (we’ve only been here two hours). The drive sucked in the ways that all family drives suck. Nothing outlandish happened, however. But the fact that…