Category: Funnies
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She Needs Groceries: Live Reading
At long last, they have posted the videos from the 2013 Listen to Your Mother show. Here’s my reading. Enjoy! If you’d rather read the essay yourself or don’t have time for a video, here’s the written version. Thankfully, though the video did not come out in very good quality, Sarah Maren Photographers came through…
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Death Geese
I will admit, I have made some slanderous statements about geese in this blog (see All in the Family). However, I maintain that I was justified in calling them a$$holes. And if you do not already feel this way, I would like to tell you a story. My sister has always been afraid of geese.…
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Go Home, Lassie, You Are Drunk
Valiant, rescuing dog stories are kind of a cliché. Even if you never actually watched Lassie getting Timmy rescued from the well, you have probably encountered all the stories about brave and noble canines out there. Meg, my childhood dog, was very good at being a Labrador retriever. She was well trained. She could have…
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That Was a Sick Road Trip
Some of you have said that you are hoping for a blog post out of my trip to Mendocino with the three kids. Well, I’m not saying that won’t happen (we’ve only been here two hours). The drive sucked in the ways that all family drives suck. Nothing outlandish happened, however. But the fact that…
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Stuff That Happens When I Am Not Looking
Once you are a parent–or really, once you have even just conceived–the advice starts rolling in. “Don’t leave the baby on the changing table unattended.” “Use ‘natural consequences’ to discipline your children.” “Don’t tell your child that he will go blind if he touches himself.” Well, I could probably write a blog post about any…
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Party Foul
When I was in graduate school studying publishing, we discussed a certain author and her series in my book marketing class. A well-known author, she was held up as having her act together on the marketing front. So when I met someone who said she was his grandmother, I was in awe. My new friend…
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She’s a Princess Queen
My daughter sings. She sings all the time. She makes up songs all the time. Granted, when her children’s choir stands in front of our church, she mostly forgets to sing and just smiles at me instead. But when she’s alone, she sings. She also tends toward the dramatic in her singing. Several years ago,…
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Penis Envy
Our first child was a girl. Partly because of this, I think of her as kind of a “starter child.” I know it must be because I’m a woman, but having a child with a penis just felt entirely outside of my skill set. When we potty trained Selah, it seemed straightforward. The differences between…
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Signs of Subpar Parenting
I’m not saying that all this stuff happened. This is just a random list of red flags, I swear, just signs that would indicate subpar parenting. Telling his father that we should have named Asher Ashhole instead Going to Mother’s Day tea and hearing the sentence “My Mommy spends all her time______” finished with the word…
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Going Crazy
So here’s a little story from my husband: “Sometimes I’m sure I’m gonna go crazy,” I mutter to myself while driving. “Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy…and then I go crazy,” Asher mutters to himself in the backseat. I think I need not write any more.