Penis Envy

Our first child was a girl. Partly because of this, I think of her as kind of a “starter child.” I know it must be because I’m a woman, but having a child with a penis just felt entirely outside of my skill set.

When we potty trained Selah, it seemed straightforward. The differences between males and females didn’t really come up, because she’s kind of a space cadet, and because she had no siblings.

However, one thing that is NOT easier to teach female children is how to pee outside. We had tried without a lot of success to teach her to squat, but she didn’t seem to grasp what we wanted her to do. I mean, there was no toilet there.

UNTIL our friends the Brauns came over. I don’t know if it’s because of their name, but they have four sons. At that time, they had two sons and one in the oven.

The kids went into the backyard to play.

My spouse and I were in the kitchen, having a nice time talking to Aminta and Matthew, when their boys came running in, looking surprisingly innocent.

We were even more surprised when three-year-old Selah eventually made it inside behind them–with her soaking wet, muddy pants around her ankles.

“Guess what!” she announced. “They showed me how to pee on the TREE!”