Carpe Some Other Diem

Why am I so crazy?

I spend my workdays missing my kids. Their soft little heads and infectious laughs. Selah’s jokes. I look forward to being with them again.

As soon as I am with my kids, I start feeling irritable and barking at people. “Don’t touch that!” “Oh, gross!” “Stop FIGHTING!” I wish they would go to bed, and now.

When I see Facebook posts of people whose parents are watching their kids so they can go away together, I feel envious. I want to go on vacation. I want to eat meals uninterrupted and read my book.

Now I am going on a women’s retreat for the weekend. I’m going to eat meals uninterrupted and read my book and chat with friends. But I mostly feel sad that I’m leaving Baby Noah’s little soft head behind. I’m feeling a little guilty leaving my husband on his own with all three kids, and worried that he won’t be able to study enough. I also hope that Selah and Asher don’t feel abandoned because I already left them recently.

Clearly I have that carpe diem thing down. If “down” means I’m not doing it.