Tag: funny
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The AD Hates Me
The other morning, I was grumpy about how hard it is to make coffee. It’s not actually hard; I was just tired and impatient. I ladle grounds into a little reusable filter for my Keurig, and I am hasty enough that it’s easy to get coffee grounds everywhere, and I’m picky enough that I hate…
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Me Time!
After a hectic morning playing video games with people immediately upon waking, medicating and feeding various pets and foster kittens, finding ingredients for “elephant toothpaste,” telling people they couldn’t eat brownies for breakfast, trying to get people to please just clean up their dishes, telling people they had to go outside–you know, the usual–I decided…
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I Guess I’d Still Like to Have Three Children
I stumbled across a comment on my blog today, asking me how old I am now and suggesting that the writer of the comment, who’s just about my age, would still like to have three children. It made me think. I still do have three children (thankfully). Sometimes I think about the essay I wrote…
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The Tooth Fairy Bites
I have to say, one of the hardest things about parenting is being the doggone tooth fairy! I know, I know, some of you manage this beautifully and your beautiful children have beautiful charm bracelets representing each of their lost teeth so they can cherish these childhood milestones. (Cough, Kelly, cough, you’re making the rest…
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I Had to Walk Uphill Both Ways!
I’ll be honest: I had a very challenging childhood. When it came to television, that is. My kids don’t get it. We have YouTube on our TV, several streaming programs, and instantaneous iTunes rentals, which means that they can literally watch anything at any time. They are privileged jerks, and they don’t even know it.…
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Recipe for Disaster
9 cups Chex, two varieties for maximum mess 1 cup dairy-free chocolate chips (for child with allergies) 1/2 cup peanut butter with no crumbs in it (for child with allergies) 1/4 dairy-free margarine (for child with allergies) 1 teaspoon of vanilla, which children cannot see even though it’s literally in the front of the cabinet…
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Picture Day!
Recently, a small flyer came home in my child’s folder. It said, “Picture day is coming.” I remarked to Leon, “I’ll bet most parents don’t read that as a warning.” But honestly, I know enough of you do. I vaguely remember picture day. They’d line us up, give us a small black comb. (Where…
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Three! Three? Three!
At the most recent Writers Who Wine gathering, one woman said, “Oh, I just LOVE three year olds! That’s the best age!” Wrinkling her nose, another woman asserted, “No. It’s the worst age. Three year olds are just awful!” Before I had kids, I would have agreed with woman one. After I’d had one and…
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But When Will She Dance?
My friend just had a baby. When I spotted them across the courtyard at church, I did what I tend to do when I see babies I know: I swooped in and asked if I could hold her. My friend was nice and indulged me in my desire for baby hugs. We were at the church’s…
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Whodunnit?
This morning, like most mornings, I woke up. I looked at my phone, turned off my alarm, answered some texts from a friend about how he likes to cook cabbage and brussels sprouts, and rolled over–into something. Oh no, I thought. When you have pets, rolling over into mystery substances or objects is usually not…