children Archive

The AD Hates Me

The other morning, I was grumpy about how hard it is to make coffee. It’s not actually hard; I was just tired and impatient. I ladle grounds into a little reusable filter for my Keurig, and I am hasty enough that it’s easy to get coffee grounds everywhere, and I’m picky enough that I hate
Category: Funnies

Me Time!

After a hectic morning playing video games with people immediately upon waking, medicating and feeding various pets and foster kittens, finding ingredients for “elephant toothpaste,” telling people they couldn’t eat brownies for breakfast, trying to get people to please just clean up their dishes, telling people they had to go outside–you know, the usual–I decided
Category: Funnies

I Guess I’d Still Like to Have Three Children

I stumbled across a comment on my blog today, asking me how old I am now and suggesting that the writer of the comment, who’s just about my age, would still like to have three children. It made me think. I still do have three children (thankfully). Sometimes I think about the essay I wrote
Category: Uncategorized

The Tooth Fairy Bites

I have to say, one of the hardest things about parenting is being the doggone tooth fairy! I know, I know, some of you manage this beautifully and your beautiful children have beautiful charm bracelets representing each of their lost teeth so they can cherish these childhood milestones. (Cough, Kelly, cough, you’re making the rest
Category: Funnies

Please Get Me Out of Here: 14 Days Left

I have something dreadful to admit: I have become a terrible mother. No, seriously. On Monday, sitting at my desk, which is mere inches from the dining room table, where all three kids but especially Asher were super hyper and hooting and hollering, I bellowed, “Shut UP!” Yes, I have reached a point where I
Category: Funnies

Recipe for Disaster

9 cups Chex, two varieties for maximum mess 1 cup dairy-free chocolate chips (for child with allergies) 1/2 cup peanut butter with no crumbs in it (for child with allergies) 1/4 dairy-free margarine (for child with allergies) 1 teaspoon of vanilla, which children cannot see even though it’s literally in the front of the cabinet
Category: Funnies

Merry as $^$^: A Christmas Tale

I’ll just start this out by being honest: I’m supposed to be working. But you guys need to know this story. So really, I’m acting selflessly by writing about it right now. You’re welcome. So. Christmas decorating. I love Christmas decorations, though setting them up is basically performing hard manual labor during a harshly cold,
Category: Funnies

Accidentally Breaking Bad

Just found my daughter and her sweet little friend looking guilty in my daughter’s room. What they were trying to hide was that they were stirring together various household substances in cups, experiment-style. “What’s in it?” I ask. “Um, just some stuff,” Selah says. “What stuff?” “Just some salt and stuff.” I force her to
Category: Funnies

Your Kids Need You at the Dinner Table

I am partnering with Circle with Disney to write for their Family is Everything blog. Here’s a little preview of my first post on their blog: Your Kids Need You at the Dinner Table. The bad news is that I’m going to tell you that you can’t watch cat videos at dinnertime (usually). The good
Category: Funnies

Darling Children

Darling Children, In an attempt to make things more simple and clear, I have already laid out our daily routine for you. But I have also noticed that  I must tell you certain things more than one time. By “certain,” I mean “all.” And by “more than one time,” I mean that I have said these things
Category: Funnies