Recipe for Disaster

  • 9 cups Chex, two varieties for maximum mess
  • 1 cup dairy-free chocolate chips (for child with allergies)
  • 1/2 cup peanut butter with no crumbs in it (for child with allergies)
  • 1/4 dairy-free margarine (for child with allergies)
  • 1 teaspoon of vanilla, which children cannot see even though it’s literally in the front of the cabinet in plain sight
  • 1 1/2 cups powdered sugar
  • 1 large bowl to measure cereal into–no, that bowl is too small to hold 9 cups of cereal–no, that bowl is for the chocolate chips
  • 1 large microwave-safe bowl for the chocolate chips
  • 1 eleven-year-old girl who has been aggressively corrective with her brothers all day
  • 1 eight-year-old boy who is tired of his siblings after a day off of school
  • 1 six-year-old boy who apparently can’t do anything right based on all of the arguing and correcting
  • 1 mom who says she is too tired to help make Muddy Buddies but you still can, you just have to take care of it
  • 1 step-dad who really just wants to watch the Warriors play for once
  • 1 tiny kitchen with only one step-stool and the step-stool is seemingly blocking everything everyone wants to get
  1. Measure cereal into large bowl.
  2. Ignore large microwave-safe bowl. Put chocolate chips, peanut butter, and margarine into very small Pyrex measuring cup that can barely contain them. Microwave for a minute even though the recipe says 30 seconds. Keep microwaving it. Feel perplexed about why it’s still so thick even though directions have not been followed. Argue about what to do.
  3. Repeat arguing.
  4. Stir vanilla into giant wad of partially melted chocolate, peanut butter, and margarine.
  5. Shout at each other because one impatient child is trying to hammer the giant wad of partially melted chocolate, peanut butter, and margarine into the cereal, which is crushing it.
  6. Call for help because Mom this isn’t working.
  7. Show tired, angry mom the bowl full of cereal and a giant wad of partially melted chocolate, peanut butter, and margarine that has been broken into smaller wads scattered on top of the cereal it’s supposed to coat. Don’t call her in until it’s too late to remove the mixture and attempt to remelt it, which is what she would have done.
  8. Keep arguing until angry mom who is too tired to troubleshoot this leaves.
  9. Shove the child on the stool, prompting step-dad to fire the six-year-old.
  10. Argue about whether or not it’s time to add the powdered sugar.
  11. Ask mom for a two-gallon bowl, to her confusion. When she protests, realize you need a two-gallon BAG. Tired, angry mom searches and finds one, one-gallon bag.
  12. Eight-year-old quits the process, leaving the eleven-year-old to try to fit entire batch into one, one-gallon bag.
  13. Add powdered sugar, which at least basically makes it look right though there are giant wads of partially melted chocolate, peanut butter, and margarine loose in the bag.
  14. Return from exile. Rush the bag and start attempting to eat it even though You guys I already said it’s bedtime. You need to brush your teeth. OK fine you can try some.
  15. All children eat some and then put the mess into more bags for school lunch.
  16. Tired, angry mom puts away all items because honestly it’s just easier at this point and she never wants to see their faces again, well, at least until morning.

Comments

  1. jie.la:

    good a blog!

    Reply

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