Leon Row the Boat Ashore

It took me a while to write this down, but it’s feeling seasonal again, now that the forecast is for seven days of 986-degree heat. Last summer, Leon and I were facing the prospect of a rare weekend off. While the kids visited their grandparents, Leon and I got two full days to do whatever we wanted.
Category: Funnies

Darling Children

Darling Children, In an attempt to make things more simple and clear, I have already laid out our daily routine for you. But I have also noticed that  I must tell you certain things more than one time. By “certain,” I mean “all.” And by “more than one time,” I mean that I have said these things
Category: Funnies

The Circle of Life

You’re welcome for putting that song in your head. Ahem. My partner, Leon, teaches first and second grade at a Montessori school. First graders these days learn about butterfly life cycles, among other things. Leon’s class got to hatch a batch of caterpillars, watching them make cocoons and then emerge as beautiful butterflies. This is a
Category: Funnies

As the Rainy Saturday Goes Downhill

Stage 1: Mopey children. Stage 2: Interested, learning children, doing science experiments out of a book. They have been adequately warned that they will be responsible for cleaning up the mess, according to child development, Montessori, and other intellectual principles. Accompanied by parental smugness and patting self on back. Stage 3: Children begin getting carried away
Category: Funnies

Skating Rink Observations

I went to the roller rink with my daughter. It still looked like the rink of my childhood, smelled like the rink of my childhood, contained the same teenagers flushed with hormones, and featured the same terrified skaters clinging to walls (hopefully not literally the same skaters) and the skates from when I was little (quite
Category: Funnies

Poem: Humanity

This is a poem I mentally started when I was in Los Angeles for AWP.   Humanity I spot him as I get on the subway, All in black, with a black hat. He sits hunched over, as if sleeping. He doesn’t look asleep; he looks threatening. He’s dressed like a fighter, or a cowboy.
Category: Life

Sheep, Hoarders, and Helicopters: The Piñata Test

You can learn all you need to know about humans when you attend a child’s party featuring a piñata. The good news is that we can stop funding sociological and anthropological research and just start sending scientists to children’s birthday parties, which are known to be–wait, those are as expensive as a university grant. Possibly more expensive. Never
Category: Funnies

The Shut-Up Places

My kids and Leon and I are like a traveling road show. We spent the long weekend traveling down to the Monterey area to see our parents. Noah was in great form all weekend, if by “great” you mean “really whiny, oddly hungry, and also full of hilarious one-liners.” In other words, he’s four and
Category: Funnies

Little Wandering Daughter

As I drove out tonight, I looked up and saw the full moon in the sky. I took a moment to acknowledge my place underneath it. As I started driving again, I drove down the street past other cars, and we were like ants scurrying along on our busy way, oblivious beneath the moon. And
Category: Life

Like Putty in My…Hair

I drifted awake this morning, trying to decide if I should get up and hustle us to church or not. One of my kids loves going to church and asks if we can go more often whenever we’ve skipped. Another of my kids hates church, and I have to overcome a lot of unhappiness to
Category: Funnies